What is one piece of advice you wish you could offer your former expectant self?

Relax into the idea that maternity leave is your job. Your purpose is to learn to take care of this small creature; nothing else. Not washing dishes, not doing laundry, not cooking meals. My best days were those on which I could remember that and focus on baby care without struggling to do other things. The learning curve is steep and building that new relationship is a full-time job.

What was your primary motivation for deciding to return (or not) to work? How early did you tell your employer?

I love my job and I require a lot of mental stimulation to stay happy. Since this was my first child, I didn’t know with absolute certainty that I would chafe at being a stay-at-home mother, but I suspected I would. And I was right. I let my employer know before I went on maternity leave that I intended to come back to work.

FOR MOMS: If you breastfed, was there a place for you to pump that met your needs and was conducive to your success? If you breastfed, how did you decide to continue? FOR DADS: What, if any, adjustments did you (or your workplace) make to your schedule after having a baby? Was it specific to your manager or larger, whole work culture?

I didn’t breastfeed.

How much leave did you take, and how comfortable were you taking it?

I took the full 12 weeks available to me, and was perfectly comfortable. However, I’m fortunate to work in a place that is genuinely supportive of work/life balance. It was made clear to me that my work would be covered while I was out, so I didn’t have to worry.

How easy was it to put a childcare arrangement together and did it work for your family?

We came to our childcare arrangement by default, but it worked out well. We didn’t realize how long the waiting lists are for daycare where we live, so by the time we started thinking about childcare, a nanny was our only option. We found an extraordinary nanny, and discovered that one of the benefits of working with an individual rather than an organization is flexibility when our schedules require it.

When did the “new normal” set in for you?

After about three months; that was when we finally worked out our morning and afternoon routines.

What was your biggest challenge going back to work?

The lack of personal time. I’m a textbook introvert and require a little bit of solitude each day to recharge my batteries. It took me a while to figure out how to carve out that time between work and parenting.

Who was your biggest source of support in returning to work? What was your biggest pregnancy indulgence?

My husband, without question. He was honest with me about his needs, timewise, and listened to mine. He gets up earlier so I can get to work on time and has scaled back his work day so we can have dinner as a family.

Massages. One of my Christmas presents when I was pregnant were gift certificates for massages every month for the rest of my pregnancy; I used them all.

Fill in the blanks: As a working parent, I never expected ____ would be so hard and ____ would be so much easier!

As a working parent, I never expected scheduling would be so hard and devoting myself fully to parenting at the end of the work day would be so much easier!

As a working parent, a bad day is when _____ and a good day is when _______.

As a working parent, a bad day is when my time with my child is filled with fussing and conflict and a good day is when we’re able to enjoy each other.

OTHER STORIES YOU MAY BE INTERESTED IN