What is one piece of advice you wish you could offer your former expectant self?

I would have said to myself: NO ONE – and I repeat, NO ONE – is the only person feeling these huge conflicted, exhausted, and muddled feelings upon returning to work after having a baby. The best thing you can do to help yourself through this is to connect with other mamas.

FOR MOMS: If you breastfed, was there a place for you to pump that met your needs and was conducive to your success? If you breastfed, how did you decide to continue? FOR DADS: What, if any, adjustments did you (or your workplace) make to your schedule after having a baby? Was it specific to your manager or larger, whole work culture?

Yes, when I returned to work. I pumped 3x/day with my first baby and 2x/day with my second.

How much leave did you take, and how comfortable were you taking it?

I took approximately 20 weeks with my first child and 16 weeks with my second. I felt very fortunate about the time, given the standard leave duration in the US. By 20 weeks, I was ready to have more adult human contact, though I certainly missed my little one.

What was your biggest challenge going back to work?

My biggest concern after my son was born was that he refused to take a bottle, so I genuinely feared he would starve to death when I was away from him for the day. I finally figured out that the problem wasn’t the bottle but rather sour milk. I had excess lipase in my breastmilk that made it turn sour after about 4 hours in the refrigerator. Scalding the milk at 160 degrees for 15 seconds got rid of the excess lipase and made it drinkable. So when I went back to work, I had what looked like a little science experiment going on under my desk, with a bottle warmer and a candy thermometer.

Who was your biggest source of support in returning to work? What was your biggest pregnancy indulgence?

I did not have a specific back-to-work mentor, but I sought out others in my office who had had children to ask for advice.

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