The Gift of Your Story

 

Sometimes I imagine that I have nothing else to do but listen. Listen to stories of how we find ourselves making our way from here to there. From one life phase to another. Be it slowly and methodically or rapid fire and unexpected. Or more likely, some combination of both. What we see coming or maybe what we missed. What we registered days or weeks later and what we felt in our  bones long before the actual moment in which the ground shifted right under our feet.

 

These are your stories of Caring. Caring about all that you feel connected to  – partner, children, parents, career, home, community, siblings, friends, maybe even self. Self – the one who loves to run or cook, read or cycle, garden, paint, renovate or shoot images — there is so much that brings joy. Sadly this so much is what ultimately leaves us gasping for breath while the now well understood and inevitable Panini Press continues to come in hot, making impact with little mercy (I’m melting). Remember the sandwich generation — that sounds nice! 

 

So I listen and I share. These stories are a gift. They are intimate and powerful. They are authentic and they are honest. They are what I love the most about connecting with each of you and you to each other — the shared stories. 

 

I am asking for you to share your stories. Ask your friends and family to do the same. We know that we are here, in the Panini Generation. We know that the demographics of older parents (30 year old average) with older parents (living longer as well) means that at the very least – parents will be actively involved with caring for both their children and their parents within the same decade and then onward. 

 

We need your stories so that we can support each other through sharing.

 

That is the gift of sharing. Share here.

 

 

The Gift of Your Story

Simple Tips to Get Through the Time Change

 

As October winds down, the winds pick up, temperatures drop and we begin to prepare ourselves for the next season– there is change in the air! Cooler, shorter days are ahead but first – a little trick (we call that one the end of daylight savings time on November 7) and of course some treats including Halloween bounty and perhaps just one more silly pumpkin flavored something!

To help ease the challenges of the shorter, darker days for working parents, we reached out to our old friend and sage parenting expert Lisa Spiegel to share her insights for surviving the bi-annual changing of the clocks.

Here is what Soho Parenting Co-Founder Lisa Spiegel, MA, LMHC, had to share:

 

Simple Tips to Get Through the Time Change:

  • Think of it like jet lag: stick to your regular schedule as much as possible and give some time for your child’s body to adjust.
  • Capitalize on darker early evenings to get your baby or child to sleep nice and early-before 8 pm.
  • Don’t make a bigger deal of it than it is— kids adjust to the time change within a few days or at most a few weeks.

 

Speaking of good things coming in threes, we have had the full houses of one of our beloved Portrait Project parents on our minds. How does she do it? Is the third one truly the charm? We wanted to share an updated version of one  of our favorite interviews with a woman who not only runs remarkable enterprises (yes plural), she is also at the helm of homes and families that serve as an inspiration for us all.

 

Former fashion executive turned influencer, Stroller in the City founder, Brianne Manz is a dear friend of the It’s Working Project — she has been an endless source of support to our work on behalf of working parents, and also a shining example of what is possible. Since day one of the Project (and before that via Forty Weeks), her friendship and care have left an indelible mark on our work. Brianne’s positive perspective on her days and nights spent in perpetual motion – raising three kids in New York City while also running an ever-evolving business makes clear that steering a highly successful professional and personal ship takes not just energy but ingenuity. And she’s got it. Meet Brianne…

 

Brianne Manz

The Year of the Memoir

 

 

Note: it is only August, I have much reading to do. Still as my summer of reading winds down, I felt as though this was a good time to share away. 

Why?

These days are rough on all of us. What is, what will be? The questions are many. Covid and Delta have made it that way. Will there be school? Is there a way to work successfully? And this is where someone else’s story as a panacea comes into play. In very real ways, falling into someone else’s headspace is a magical elixir. Books are a gift like that. 

To know me, is to know how much I love a great story. Books are my food, my snack, my amuse bouche, my indulgence — it just depends which one I am in the mood for. I have very strict formulas (I know, too much, right!). For example short stories serve to cleanse my palate before I remove myself from one reality and immerse in another via that next book. And ooooh, that next book – sitting in a stunning pile – fresh, new and hopefully waiting for its spine to be broken. It is kind of like some reality show…”pick me, Julia please pick me”…

I listen to books only if they are memoirs or nonfiction and read by the author. This was what Michelle Obama taught me and was further validated by Melinda Gates. Listening to the author share her own experiences – that is the holy grail. 

As such, this year has been a careful balancing act of fact and fiction (sure this could possibly describe the  real world too, but for the sake of this moment – we are talking books). And this year, 2021 has been ripe with worthwhile memoirs. For me, these books are holding me, like newly found best friends – the connection is powerful. And healing as well. In fact, a big issue I am having right now is that I am meditating less and listening to other people’s reality more. I know this likely requires its own interpretation. I am going with — I am too damn worn out to meditate or maybe not open to being quite so present with myself. I will own both, either or neither. 

While I do consider these issues daily, Nicole Lynn Lewis brings them to live through her honest, first person narrative

Bottom line, I am spending my time lovingly listening to memoirs. I wanted to share a few that meet my criteria. To review:

  • Memoir or autobiographical 
  • Read by author
  • Compelling, relatable or inspirational – the trifecta is a major win. 

Here’s what’s doing it for me. Share yours, please!!!

 

CRYING in H-MART

I made an exception to my rules – yes I did, but just for this book, Crying in H-Mart. I read Michlle Zauner’s memoir, Crying in H-Mart the week it was released. And, lent it out soon thereafter. It is that powerfully compelling. Really, you must read this one, and take your time with it.  And having a good stash of Korean food close by will be an essential strategy as well. You will also need tissues. So kimchi and Kleenex – got it? Note too – the H-mart in the book is located in Cheltenham, Pennsylvania (go Panthers!) on Old York Road…shout-out to my hometown of Philly! 

 

GREENLIGHTS

Alight, alright, alright. No, you did not see that one coming did you? I began listening to Matthew McConaughey’s dramatic playbook of life and in specific his adventures and epiphanic moments at the request of my son Sam. It comes on fast and furious — little time to ease in, just BAM you and MM are BFFs and you are in the TMI weeds.  There is so much energy packed into each word it can only be listened to during the day. And when you do – you get poems, prescriptions and well as a big chunk of things that make you go hmmm. I do get my 19 year olds son’s love of this one…there is a lot to process and a lot to plan for. It makes anything feel possible. And that is a good thing. @OfficiallyMcConaughy 

 

AVAILABLE

Oh I adored spending time with Laura Friedman Williams as she made her way from we to me. Newly divorced and with no plan, we join along as she reimagins herself with such absolute candor. I have suggested this to my former divorce lawyer as a “new client” gift. And I have been sending this audiobook around as my super-empowerment with laughter guide to what’s next to my newly separated mid-life friends. Man the road is rough. It seems only fair that Laura is there to validate all that allures, confuses and frustrates. Either way, the more you read, the more you adore her. Including the ways in which she begins to make sense of herself. From learning what is the new way to do things (waxing 101) to what casual means in this century, there is much for Laura to master. Add to this – she is a ton of fun on social media. @laurafredmanwilliams

 

THE FIRST TEN YEARS

This one is an amazing first row seat into an outstanding performance of “she said/he said” genre — what is there not to love?  Meet Joseph and Meg, a couple who openly share their first ten years through their own, unique lens. And who laid it all out there – consequences aside (I think!). It is fun and it is an expedition. A great deal happens in ten years. And yes, it does fly by. But the moments count and add up. I loved listening to Joseph Fink and Meg Bashwiner tell their truths — great stuff! @LadyBash (Insta spoiler – baby makes three!!!), hope there is a parenting book in their future! 

 

An attempt at clearing out the library! And yes, I do have textbooks from GWU!
An attempt at clearing out the library! And yes, I do have textbooks from GWU!

THE ALMOST LEGENDARY MORRIS SISTERS: The True Story of Family Fiction

Seriously – I could never have pulled off what Julie Klam accomplished in the research and writing  of this book.  And she reads it in a way that compels you from the very first word. Note, I think it is not called reading, but performing feels off to me. Her level of curiosity and willingness to cover the globe in an effort to uncover the true story of her great family myth is impressive to say the very least. We all know how each of our families grows stories, it is just a fact. It is only Julie’s insatiable curiosity and people’s instant, positive reaction to her charm, that  opens the gates to the truth – not only in action but also in circumstance,  that bring the pieces together. She breaks the fourth wall to add to the listening fun. We learn a great deal not only about the Immigration experience and Jewish life in the 1900s, we learn about choices and their ripples.  Even simple facts like basic dates change the narrative completely. And I was so grateful to be along for the ride! 

Next Up is….

Ladyparts by Debrah Copeaken is currently in my ears…I am hooked…guessing you will be too. It opens with blood and a lot of internal dialog about women’s health disparity in the US — I am in love. @dcopaken

 

 

And the mood. Add flowers and a candle to really escape.  Inheritance was a wild escape as is Dani Shapiro’s Podcast, Family Secrets.

The Tale of Openly Discussing PPD

 

Once Upon a Time, In Bethesda, Maryland

Lately, I have been having wonderful luck finding denim for my husband on RueLaLa. I am nothing but grateful for the ease of it, though admittedly it is a two-step process. A thumbs up from Bob leads us right to the tailor for a quickie hem. So on Saturday, we added Bethesda alterations to our “list” and off we went. He got pinned while I felt the glow of my stylist superpower. And that felt good. 

But what came next was unexpected and trumped any old buying jeans that make my husband’s tush look cute talent – as in any day, any year any, any old any!

The woman who worked in the store asked about the purchase and confided in me that she does not have good luck on RueLaLa with anything but clothes for her daughter. Daughter? I did not know about this daughter. WOW – so pre-pandemic she was studying psychology at UMBC, working for her mother and was reliably as affable as can be. 

And now, she has added Mama to her identity and she was so incredibly proud of her pandemic baby. She was quick to tell, UNPROVOKED, that she struggled with PPD. That she understood and recognized her symptoms. She was so grateful that she lived with her parents who provided endless support and nurturance. Now, she shared, she was doing much better with an 18 month old daughter than she was for the first few months.

UNEXPECTED — all of it

  • THIS CONVERSATION
  • THIS CANDOR
  • THIS PRIDE

There are so very many dedicated to opening the understanding and communication around PPD. The goal is to help this spectrum of challenges openly make its way into our dialog. Not hidden, not as an embarrassment, not with shame. Simply, a part of motherhood for a percentage of the new mother population.

For my part, I ask, I listen, I write and I am open. I am currently finishing an article for HBR on first-time working mothers and PPD. 

But that is something I do via interview. A conversation by appointment. This, this unexpected candor made my day. It is a reminder that we will keep speaking our truth. And by doing so, we will bring the entire topic into the big brave world. 

 

 

 

The Way The Cookie Crumbles

An Intimate, Cautionary Tale…

Our History is long, and old. You still make me tingle and feel positively giddy. When I open our chest of memories, it brings me back to some legendary moments, stories of how you showed up when I needed you most. And how we met in the first place. It takes me back to my newly single mother days in East Hampton. Hiding from the big, coupled world in the sheer love and luxury of a dear friend’s home. I was a woman in her late 30s with two children in tow. I was too thin from the stress of it all. When we were introduced I was not concerned about your making any impact — there were no repercussions, not then.

Happily Hidden

The timing was just wrong, nothing stayed with me. I was just too far from the reality of the mark you would soon leave on me. So there, in Wainscott, we were introduced. Without much thought, with just my senses in control, I fell for you. Your smell, your warmth and the way in which you were reliably there for me. I could even bring up your image on my computer, I could see how many waited for you, allowing me to make my plan to connect. And it worked. On my terms, waiting in a beach town — far, far away. You were excotic in that way. A treat that I would pine away for in the months between my lips opening for you. I suppose there were ways to find more days and ways to be together. You were, after all, on the Upper West Side and I was certainly capable of getting on the Subway. I did not.

Years Continue to Pass…

In the years to come we were a good pair. Most years, we had a summer tryst and lovingly parted once again. One year, there was drama there in East Hampton. I remember the way you soothed me — in all of your glorious gusto on the day I showed up only to learn the deal I had put into place just prior to getting on the bus to see you had blown up. I may have leaned on you too much as I tried and tried to put the pieces back together. The story did end well (a forever thank you to Mark Schneider and Daphne Oz) but you really left your mark on me. In your effort to keep me calm I overindulged in your warmth and sweetness. I was scared by my own vulnerability. It showed.

You Kept us Smiling!

Lately things have been different. It has been a few years since I have been in East Hampton. You attempted to make your way into my freezer, but really that was not even close to the you I knew.

Friends would come back from New York, smiling and proud with the efforts they had made to bring you back to me. I was grateful. Then I learned that you were a few miles away. In Georgetown where you were not metro accessible, but I could make a quick drive. Which I did — but there were so very many people there — women and men, young and old all lined up to see what the excitement, your glory was all about. I felt uncomfortable with how close you were getting. I liked our distance. I loved the ways in which I missed you, spoke endlessly of you and truly savored anytime we managed to share together.

And then you made a decision. You did not ask. You just took up space within walking distance of my home. You choose to break the romantic, lustful distance between us and just show up. Not only too close for comfort, but breaking the spell. And, then you have the audacity to send me a postcard, a note with your stunning image suggesting I come in and join my neighbors in the indulgence that we once shared as an intimate, loving act

Way Too Close for Comfort…

Look Levain, I realize nothing can last forever. Yet, still — as I sit in my Chevy Chase home, my heart is broken knowing things between us will never be the same again. I have aged, less able to spend as much time with you as I once did. And you seem to have an insatiable neeed to keep expanding your reach, the world of people who you will forever leave the impact of your size and softness. I admire you for your vision, for all you wish for yourself. It is simply that I don’t know if I can keep up with you in this way. I am sure 18 years was a good run.

PS — Don’t be surprised if I do duck in to say hello, to hold you just one more time. Chemistry like that is hard to find.

Writing For First Timers

There is something powerful about listening to and really growing through a writing assignment. I have been busy crafting a few chapters that focus on first-time mothers returning to the workplace for Harvard Business Review. One is specific to Breast Pumping and work and the other to PPD. For these, for all my writing, I call on sources that include the parents of Its Working Project’s Portrait Project. Here I find years of candor. And am reminded too of the evolution of working parenthood since IWP was launched in 2013.

One thing that comes up over and again – both via IWP stories (here are a few – Sara Weinstein and Natasha D) and my current research is one simple truth, parenting is a series of phases. Experience shows us that this too shall pass. Thus anxiety is comfortably lower in second and later time parents. I think of this in my own experiences. It was not a fluke that I grew more relaxed and confident as I made way to this month when my youngest graduated from High School. I am sure this is the natural result of my recognizing that there was always a route from here to there. And, sometimes the very best thing to do was absolutely nothing. This was a hard-earned truth.

Ann Smith, president of Postpartum Support International reminded me how very true this is with newly minted mothers. She stressed that even with the most caring mentors, dedicated support system and loving friends and family in place –  a full one in seven, or 14% of new mothers suffer from a mild to severe perinatal mood disorder. PPD can happen to anyone. It crosses all lines – ethnic, geographic, racial, economic – you name it. And feels more likely to impact first-timers.

I am so very pleased that HBR has asked me to contribute two chapters to this book. And even more so that they agreed to accept PPD as one of the topics. We must keep listening and sharing the truth about new motherhood. Neither perfect nor completely in our control, it is ours. And if our experience feels bigger or heavier than expected. If we are fair in our expectations of a new version of ourselves and yet still feel off. There is help to be had. There is no shame in asking and receiving whatever gets us from here to there. Because, for better or for worse, this too shall pass.

MY SIX OBSERVATIONS AS WE FIND OUR WAY BACK TO THE WORKPLACE

 

I was taking a little stroll down memory lane. There I found the last piece I published pre-pandemic, pre-she-cession and pre- end of the world as we know it (respectful nod to Michael Stipe). This article was published in February 2020. It was about Postpartum depression – really the whole of the spectrum from Blues to Psychosis. And, how to offer support in very real ways. The topic still applies. 

Since then I have written a great deal on our working lives during the Pandemic. From how we find and keep our kids in productive Learning Pods to ways in which organizations have created and maintained Family Friendly Work Cultures.

Here is what I’ve been thinking: 

Observation 1

All those articles I have written or you have read about return to work as a parent or both are completely applicabile now (as you find your way back into the workplace)

Observation 2

The part where I am constantly suggesting how very powerful a mentor can be is still true, but I can’t quite make the math work on this one — how can one be or find a mentor for something none of us have done before?

Observation 3

The same way in which organizations would offer increased weeks, months of parental leave —  the horse race as I call it, expect that to manifest itself in a new multidimensional format. 

Observation 4

Sure, pivot was a fun buzz word, but that is so last year. Expect to hear more about flexibility, remote, job share and off-site.

Observation 5

Dear employers, It really is your problem. Child Care, Eldercare, Remote Work Options — all of it. Zoom has brought whole lives out of the closet. No putting them back now. Rise up. 

Observation 6

TSA agents — has anyone bothered to retrain them re how to handle milk, pumps and pumping or nursing mothers?

 

What are you thinking about? I would love to hear it!

Our Beloved Sweet & Sour Moms Came To Us with the Winds of March

 

 

March is ending. A year of our new reality in the books. To say that this has been a year of extremes is an, well an extreme understatement. The list of lessons and losses is long and sometimes too hard to even process. Optimism is often hard to come by. 

 

Still, we have our families and friends – even from a distance. And, one remarkable thing, a gift from the chaos and rubble are new friends, to be specific new foodie friends. 

 

Sarah Bramlett

 

I met Sarah through time on Clubhouse. There, in the Food & Beverage Magazine rooms, I was drawn to her creativity and her endless spirit and energy. Her cakes and her creativity were just the light we needed, and we had to share.  

Stacie Billis Megan Spawn

I met Meghan and Stacie through an article I wrote for InStyle Magazine. Meghan was one smart and innovative cookie. Stacie was her soul sister, DIJFY Podcast co-host and equally effervescent partner in crime. These two have stolen my heart. 

Chasity Pritchett

I met Chastity through Clubhouse – again thank you Food & Beverage Magazine. This Virginia based entrepreneur is building her way to a new, fabulous place in the olive oil world. My hope is to keep learning about her craft and to meet her IRL in the not too distant future! Savory and so spectacular! 

Megan Day

Finally — BBQ. Wow, meeting Burnt Fingers’ fearless leader Megan has brought new energy and pep to my step. A mother, a pitmaster and a woman who knows who she is and where she is going. When we first crossed paths on Clubhouse, we were in a Food & Beverage Magazine room – I knew I needed to know more. And of course, share it with my It’s Working Project Family. 

 

So now you know — our beloved Sweet & Sour Moms came to us with the winds of March. What an absolute treat!

 

Stay tuned – April promises a month of Super-Star Moms…entrepreneurs who have bloomed into bold successes, shining as far as the eye can see!

How to Find Your Mentor

 

I have been spending a great deal of time getting to know the world of ClubHouse. What a remarkable universe of engaged souls!  On Friday afternoons (3pm EST) I host a room that is focused on a topic quite near and dear to me:  Mentors, Role Models and Finding Your People.

This room is joy. And a lot of fun. 

There is very much to learn and consider. Here are my big takeaways for successfully being and/or finding a mentor

  • Chemistry is Real. Fall for what you feel. We all have instinct – pay attention not only to the intellectual drivers but also emotional. Do you feel comfortable? Familiar? 
  • Mentors are not only older and wiser – that is an old model. Be open-minded when connecting with mentors –  they are often younger and offer new points of view. Remain open to finding the support you need from those who have different perspectives, skills and experiences. 
  • Be Generous. While of course, maintaining your boundaries is important, being open and kind is equally essential. There is no quid pro quo – nor should there be. Think of the relationship as mutually beneficial and act the same. 
  • Tend to your mentor or mentee relationship. It is critical not to be in the favor business. Mentoring is bigger and bolder than just transactional. It is about exposure, learning, ideating and care. When my mentee hits a homerun my excitement is palpable. It is remarkably satisfying to see her success. Share the feelings – good and bad. 
  • Honesty is worth its weight in gold. Candor between mentor and mentee is essential. Sugarcoating is a waste of time for you both. Use your skills to promote growth and resiliency in your mentee. 

 

If you’d like to find me – @TheJuliaBeck – I would love to hear from you!

 

 

 

Meet our Partner – Sandy Abrams, Founder of C.E.Om and Author of Breathe to Succeed

 

Before I took a keystroke, or even began to think about the effervescent Sandy Abrams, I took time to breathe. It is later in the day, and not my “prime time” and (thankfully!) through Sandy I have learned how to harness my energy and my creativity even as the day begins to turn to evening. So three fabulous, slow exhales later, I think I am ready to tell you about my friend and a great source of inspiration to me for nearly 20 years – the remarkable Sandy Abrams. 

 

We first met in the suburbs of Washington, DC. We had young children. We drove in circles – from preschool to activities and home again. I was launching a business, she was years ahead of me. She was open, generous and energetic with her time and knowledge. She still is. 

 

Since those days many things have changed. Our children are older. Sandy and her family have moved to California. She has become a woman of peaceful note —  a dedicated contributor who gets the biggest, most holistic picture. Her ability to bring a sense of connection and authentic care to one’s self is a coveted, attainable value – and this has captured the attention of many – from Oprah to wellness curators across the globe. She can be found at wellness retreats, company gatherings and if you are truly lucky, taking the time to simply be present together. They know what I am about to share with you — Sandy is the real deal. 

 

Her latest book, Breathe to Succeed is the latest in her C.E.Om brand. She is all about taking charge mindfully. Sandy teaches how as she shares her insights and intelligence with love and care. Beyond books, Sandy also keeps the door open for time with those looking to dig deeper. Sandy currently leads “Breathe to Succeed”  “Beverages & Breath” Workshops, 1:1 customized Breath & Mindset training for entrepreneurs, leaders, teams/employees and executives.

 

I feel so strongly that these skills are true, much-needed gifts to new mothers. There are so many moments of new and really of all motherhood that feel isolated, where confidence is just missing and when being the one in charge is heavy and daunting. When Sandy says Breathe to Succeed she is speaking to parents of all ages and stages. Remembering of course, success is however we define it, she equips women with the tools they need to parent not only the next generation but themselves as well. 

 

Read on, Breathe on and feel as fortunate as I do for Sandy and her stunning, boundless  energy leading the way.